Office of the Chair
Statement ยท For immediate release
Statement of the Chair
A cat has taken the lectern and is reading the rate decision like it does this every week. Nobody in the room has said anything about it.
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The Rate Decision
The Committee decided today to leave the target nap rate unchanged, citing continued strength in treat demand alongside a modest softening in enthusiasm for the vacuum cleaner. Household conditions remain consistent with the Committee's stated goal of maximum comfort and stable temperament.
The Committee will continue to monitor incoming data, chiefly the sunbeam, for signs of overheating, and stands ready to adjust the schedule if conditions warrant. No questions were pre-approved.
| Indicator | Reading |
|---|---|
| Window Watching Index | Elevated, unchanged |
| Treat Velocity | Accelerating |
| Yarn Reserve Ratio | Adequate |
| Vacuum Cleaner Tolerance | Declining |
| 0300hrs Activity | Above target |
Press Conference
The floor has not been opened yet.
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Statement Archive
| Date | Outcome |
|---|---|
| JAN 28, 2026 | Rate held. Sunbeam relocated without incident. |
| MAR 18, 2026 | Rate held. Committee monitored the door for eleven hours. |
| MAY 06, 2026 | Rate held. One dissent, later attributed to a hairball. |
| JUL 01, 2026 | Rate held. Vacuum cleaner incident noted, no policy response. |
| [[ todayLabel ]] | Rate held. Full remarks above. |
Distribution